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17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?…. Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.
Quote (t8 @ Aug. 12 2010,02:12) 17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.
The 17000 were later beheaded for outing themselves as atheists.Quote (kejonn @ Aug. 13 2010,22:44) Quote (t8 @ Aug. 12 2010,02:12) 17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.
The 17000 were later beheaded for outing themselves as atheists.
Actually, both of those are pretty good jokes.
Tim
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!”, he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out “Oh my God!….” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don”t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ….. brought both paws together…bowed his head and spoke: “Lord, for what I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”
A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak. The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.” The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises.” The atheist says, “Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland.” “And how will you spend the rest of your days?” the Jew and the Catholic ask. “Well,” says the atheist, “I’m not sure, but I can tell you one thing: I’ll never go rowing with other atheists.”
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
One day a Catholic Priest was walking down the street and saw a little girl on her front porch with a box of newborn kittens.
The little girl greeted him, “Hello Father; these are Catholic kittens.”
The Priest replied, “That's nice. Bless you child.”
A week later the Priest saw the little girl again with the box of kittens and asked, “How are the little Catholic kittens doing?”
The little girl solemnly informed him, “They are not Catholic kittens anymore, they are Atheist kittens now.”
The Priest was shocked, “What happened?!”
The little girl grinned, “Their eyes opened.”A Christian, a Jew, and an atheist are standing in line to be executed during the French Revolution.
The Christian is first, and he lays down on the guillotine. Before the executioner pulls the lever he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, and the blade swooshes down, stopping just short of his neck. The executioner, believing a miracle has occurred, figures he can't kill this man, as so sets him free.
The Jew lays down on the guillotine. Like the christian, he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, the blade falls, and once again it stops just short of his neck. The executioner, again, believes God is on this man's side, and lets him go.
Finally, the atheist lays down on the guillotine. He examines the guillotine, finds a rock in the gears, and says to the executioner, “Well here's your problem…”
The moral? There's a time and a place for skepticism.
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books, the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species.
Surprised, he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books?”
“Well,” said the orangutan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”A British layman, a priest and an atheist are on their first train journey through Ireland. The layman, wanting to get some conversation going, looks out the window and sees a flock of black sheep.
-The sheep are black here in Ireland, says the layman.
The priest and the atheist look out the window too.
–Well, at least the ones we've seen this far, says the priest.
—Well at least, replies the atheist, the ones we saw were black on the side facing us at the time when we were passing them.Quote (kejonn @ Aug. 20 2010,23:16) A Christian, a Jew, and an atheist are standing in line to be executed during the French Revolution. The Christian is first, and he lays down on the guillotine. Before the executioner pulls the lever he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, and the blade swooshes down, stopping just short of his neck. The executioner, believing a miracle has occurred, figures he can't kill this man, as so sets him free.
The Jew lays down on the guillotine. Like the christian, he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, the blade falls, and once again it stops just short of his neck. The executioner, again, believes God is on this man's side, and lets him go.
Finally, the atheist lays down on the guillotine. He examines the guillotine, finds a rock in the gears, and says to the executioner, “Well here's your problem…”
The moral? There's a time and a place for skepticism.
That was probably the best Joke yet. Lol..lol…lol..lolQuote (kejonn @ Aug. 20 2010,23:10) One day a Catholic Priest was walking down the street and saw a little girl on her front porch with a box of newborn kittens.
The little girl greeted him, “Hello Father; these are Catholic kittens.”
The Priest replied, “That's nice. Bless you child.”
A week later the Priest saw the little girl again with the box of kittens and asked, “How are the little Catholic kittens doing?”
The little girl solemnly informed him, “They are not Catholic kittens anymore, they are Atheist kittens now.”
The Priest was shocked, “What happened?!”
The little girl grinned, “Their eyes opened.”
Ha ha ha.The real joke here is the idea that when someones eyes open up, they don't see God.
It is the other way round. To see the light requires vision. TO not see it is to have your eyes closed.
Meouch.
Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.A minister, a priest, a rabbi, and an atheist meet in a bar at 10:00 a.m. The bartender asks the minister what he’ll have, and the minister orders a martini. The priest also orders a martini, as does the rabbi. When the bartender asks the atheist what he wants, the atheist says he'd like a cup of coffee. “Why aren’t you having a martini like those guys?” asks the bartender. “Oh,” says the atheist, “I don’t believe in martinis before lunch.”
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