- This topic is empty.
- Posts
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!' 'Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!' He said, 'Like what?' I said, 'Well…are you religious or atheist?' He said, 'Religious.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?' He said, 'Christian.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?' He said, 'Protestant.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?' He said, 'Baptist!' I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?' He said, 'Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!' I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off. –Emo Phillips
Yep. That was some funny stuff.
Also, I put my mom's name into the O.B. link and heard the song. I have no clue what they needed to apologize for, but it was funny.
Hi Mike,
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also, yeah for the victory on the O.B. link! You're not such a loser after all, jkHello Charity. I hope this thread lifts your spirits…it is meant to put a smile on your face
Go to this link and put your name in the box and enjoy being sung to…smile! You have to wait a few seconds but it is worth it.
When you come across something like jokes, comics, or funny stories, that you think will bring smiles to members here, consider sharing it in this thread.
…did our for-fathers die in hope of instant liberty? There is nothing anywhere as nobble as to walk away from your Life in hope of a blessed future for your children's children.
I am blessed in the greatness of the King David story's,
Today would be a completely different world if he had not of flatternd a particular Nation; that which he for-saw as a terrible oppressor an threat to future freedom for the glory of ruling.while you have destroyed one cockroach, you have destroyed a whole Nation of cockroaches to come.
while you let go, you let a whole Nation to come go!.Think Big, Love is the future you will never see. David & Jesus very hope!
Happy Fourth of July, Charity, et al!
The 4th of July Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at Albuquerque's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
'This baked ham is really delicious,' the priest teased the rabbi. 'You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden. You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs Warren's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?'
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, 'At your wedding.'
Little PIGS ARE SO CUTE! smart enough that some believed they possess spirit an soul. an devils
Right about then, Deuteronomy – Chapter 14, Some Big Wig may have died from the confusion of Adam, whom was told to eat of all the beasts of the earth.
one may really need to take these words of god seriously? to know, you simply will not be able to follow all the instructions.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on a plane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don't know,” said the atheist. “How about how there is no God, and no heaven or hell, and no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Ok,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a deer, and a cow all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thought about it and said, “Hmmmm…….. I have no idea.”
The little girl replied, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, heaven and hell, or life after death when you just admitted you don't know crap?”
Mike,
sorta funny…Quote The little girl replied, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, heaven and hell, or life after death when you just admitted you don't know crap?” Why don't you explain 'why you suppose that is' and after you do that, then you can explain to us who you think God is or isn't?
Sorry, your joke kinda backfired on ya…keep trying though!
It wasn't “my” joke, Kathi. My co-worker read it on Facebook, showed it to me, and I copied it here. I thought it was funny because it highlights how cocky and sure atheists are that God doesn't exist, when in fact, you could fit on the head of a pin the things they truly know about why we are here, where we came from, and how things really work.
I'm sorry you didn't find it funny, but I surely wasn't expecting to be belittled in this thead. I won't post any more jokes.
Sorry Mike,
I just read your 'joke' after reading your belittling comments towards me elsewhere and made me wonder why you are belittling the atheist as if you know the answer to the question that he didn't know and then you proceed to explain how I don't know God in another thread. It made me shake my head in amazement.PS, I didn't say it wasn't funny, I said it was 'sorta funny.'
It would probably have been funnier if I thought that you could explain God correctly.George Phillips, an elderly man, from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He said “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”
George said, “Okay.”He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both.” then he hung up.Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you killed them!”
George said , ” I thought you said there was nobody available!”
There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. 'This is great,' he thought and floored it some more.
He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. 'I can get away from him with no problem' thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.Then he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing' and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him.
The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
'Sir,' he said, looking at his watch. 'My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding; that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The man looked back at the Trooper and said, 'Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.'
The State Trooper said, 'Have a nice day.'
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
