Search Members

[NicSoapdsh]

Ok people this is gonna sound  a little strange but here goes….A while back I made the decision to stop living for myself and become a better man for some women that I was working with who needed help.  Mind you I am  only 18 and all my life I have been a very insecure kid…never really fit in with any groups but always tried.  anyway, I was starting to become very at peace and in love with God.  He was showing me so many mysteries of the universe and the holy ghost was moving me everywhere I went.  I did nothing for myself that wasn’t of God.  Every day I came home from work and went straight to my room and meditated on God’s truth and what the holy ghost was bringing to my heart.  But somewhere along the line I feel like God was calling me home and I needed to have that complete faith in God and take  that "leap of faith"….but I didn’t know how so instead I thought I could go back to some people I used to know (people who are apostolic pentecostal christians…they are also the guys from my old karate school)…but as soon as I went back I started getting myself all tangled up in the matrix again and it’s like I turned away from the truth!  like now I’m feeling all those passages in the bible about those who were once enlightened and turned from the truth and even the serpent who yakked his mouth of when he shouldn’t have!  I know that the bible says you can’t go back again because it would be like recrucifying the son for yourself and putting him to open shame but I really need help here.  I even got baptized in jesus’ name thinking that that was what I was missing and why I failed but once I did that it seemed like the pastor who baptized me took my soul!  I know it sounds  weird but I feel dead inside again…..I know I can’t turn to anyone I know for help because they either can’t or won’t but I need some combined spiritual help here or something!  I need to get back to that point where I chose to look back after putting my shoulder to the plow.  I mean something really profound has to happen here or else I am going to become a catatonic schizophrenic!  My sins and past life were almost completely forgotten and I was about to be chosen by god for something really important…now I really don’t want to be the serpent and feel like this for eternity even though I know I deserve it!!!  God have mercy on my soul and bring me back to the time of love!  Please people I need your help!

[Author]

Posts