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On a Friday night, April 2, 2004, my life changed forever. I had no idea what was coming from above. I had looked toward the heavens many times only to receive empty answers that left me second-guessing. Sometimes, I doubted there even was a God.
I had been raised a Jehovah’s Witness. We were officially converted when I was a little tyke, about the age of four. I remember my mother sitting me down to tell me we would never celebrate holidays again. I said to her, “That’s okay Mommy.” Years would pass and our family would become good little workers in the community of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Our family became seeded in their doctrines. We were told that all other religions were false and controlled by the Devil. Christians especially were controlled by the Devil. I remember looking at Churches and being afraid because that was where the Devil lived.
The phase of goodness and fellowship did not last long. Life seemed to take devastating twists. The religion we had accepted would be the same one to cast us out. Power hungry and prideful men excommunicated my parents on false grounds. Afterward, I began to see serious holes in their teachings. In my heart, I knew Jesus said that we should put love first above all things. I knew this was right. However, I had to see this kind of love shown anywhere on earth, especially in myself.
My life and integrity took terrible twists. I started doing drugs, skipping school, and drinking. My life had always seemed empty and lost. I could not pinpoint why. At age nineteen, I gave into my depression and attempted suicide. God saved my physical life that day after many pleas for help. At that moment, I gave myself to God, the God I knew, not Jesus, and tried to live a decent life. I tried to be a good person. I gave up drugs and confessed my faith in God. However, I found life to still be a struggle. I discovered that trying to be good was even more of a struggle.
At this point, my parents had divorced and my father had remarried. I had gone off to college in Cincinnati. My brother went on to live with my father and my new mother enforced a rule that he must attend Church so long as he lived in her house. A year later, my brother was saved and his life was changed dramatically. At the time, I was really proud of him thinking that he was a good man to change all his bad habits. I did not know the truth.
In Cincinnati, I grew into a terrible sinner. Smoking, drinking, lusting, fornication, pride: those are the prominent ones. I was never much of a lair; it just never suited me. I am brutally honest, so much so, that when one of my dates asked me to rate her on a scale of 1 to 10, I told her what I really thought. That was the last date.
Eventually, I would graduate and move in with my parents who lived in a small town stashed away in the mountains. There, my brother, took the opportunity to start preaching to me about Christ. We debated constantly. We argued and argued over scripture and philosophy. He kept telling me “Jesus is God.” I would not listen to him. He would not give up on me.
So what happened that Friday night?
Earlier that week, Bobby, a guy from my brother’s church, asked me join him at a study group the following Friday night. I had completely forgot and when he called I almost told him no. I wanted to stay home and drown my sorrows in a six pack. However, I have this thing about sticking to my word. If I say I am going to do something, I try to do it. He asked me, so I went.
Bobby didn’t tell me we were going to a Church. He made it sound like we were going to a casual gathering of friends. When he pulled into the Church, I was a slight bit angered.
For the first few minutes I just sat there listening with a chip on my shoulder. The group of thirty young adults was quiet and no one knew what to talk about. I became quickly bored. I started thinking about my brother and how he would talk about being saved. I could not figure out why he would say such a thing. So, I decided to ask them what it meant to be saved.
Everyone lit up, like candles. They began explaining it to me just as my brother had so many times. It seemed like they were talking in code. They told me those that were saved knew they were going to Heaven. Being saved meant your were saved from Hell. To me though, that didn't seem like enough of a reason to jump up and run to God. I thought, if God was going to condemn me, that's His choice not mine.
Two preachers who were there had drawn themselves in closer to me. They kept asking me if I had ever broke any of the ten commandments. They also asked, “Do you want to go to Hell?” I then said to them, “I have been to Hell. My life is Hell. I am not afraid of Hell. I know I am a bad person. What I can’t figure out is why all you people think you are going to Heaven? What makes you so much better than me?” In a very loving and humble way, they quickly told me that they weren’t better.
They started to share their personal stories and the conversation deepened. I began to question myself and started asking more questions. Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure it out.
They told me in order to be saved; I had to give everything up to Jesus. They explained that prayer could only be heard if it was through Jesus, as he is our mediator or representative for God. They said Jesus was the truth, the light, and the way. Still, this all didn't make any sense to me. I needed something more concrete. Jesus isn't here on earth, so how was I supposed to love him or follow him? I loved God, or so I had thought. How was it I wasn't saved? What was so different from me and these people where they could possibly think I was lost and they were saved?
At some point, it finally occurred to me what I had been doing wrong. Firstly, I was prideful. I believed in God. I just didn't believe He was a part of our lives. I couldn't understand how God could let so many terrible things happen in the world when He has the power to change them. My answer was that he had left us to fend for ourselves. In essence, I thought God had turned His back on us.
The second thing was not accepting God's love and forgiveness. Sure we must forgive and love others, but we must also realize that we are loved. We must realize that even though we have sinned, God loves us. With that love comes trust. We must learn to trust him. That means that even though these bad things happen in the world, we must trust that God is doing the right thing.
Thirdly, we cannot fight sin on our own. In other words, we do not have the power to stop sinning. We must accept that we are sinners and no matter what we will sin. We can overcome our sin by letting Jesus direct, guide, help, and control us. True salvation comes only from Jesus. He was a perfect man who died for us, so that we may live. He saved us from God's wrath. Being saved, means we accepting Jesus into our hearts. He carried our sin on the cross for us so that we may live. Simultaneously, if we don't let Him carry the burden of our sin, then how can He? We must give it all to Him, and let Him help us overcome our sin.
Lastly, when we say Jesus has saved us, we are saying He is our Savior. This means Jesus is our Lord and God. We have recognized and accepted that Jesus has all power and authority over earth. He has the power to forgive sins. He has the power to change lives. He has the power to help us. Only God can save people. Jesus is God.
After this, I still said to myself, “sure, it sounds good and all, but how can you actually do something that is so abstract? Jesus isn't here.” While sitting there thinking about all this, one of the preachers asked me if I wanted to be saved. I told him “yes” and then asked “how?”
He took me up to the altar and we kneeled down. The rest of the group circled around us. They all started praying. My eyes were closed and my ears were open listening to his prayers crying
out to Jesus. I could hear people crying in the background. My fists were clenched, and my body was shaking with fear.It all seemed hokey and fake, just like watching it on TV. I kept thinking that I should just get up and leave. I thought, “I don't belong here. All these people are nuts.” Still, I prayed. I prayed to God asking him for help. I prayed and asked God to save me from all these strange people. I kept praying until finally something in me broke.
My clenched fists opened flat against the altar and tears came streaming down my face. Jesus was standing before me. “I am sorry Jesus. I am so sorry. I am such a horrible person.” I cried and cried. Then, something entered into me. It was a new peaceful feeling. A new relief entered me and all the bad inside of me let go. All my anxiety, my pain, my fears, my frustrations, and my sins had been lifted off of me. Then, I heard the preacher ask me if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savoir. I said “yes”.
We all stood up. Every person walked up and hugged me, telling me how much they loved me. Thirty different people, I had never met, poured their hearts out for me that I might be saved. They welcomed me to a new life. I don't remember half their faces. My mind was in eclipse.
Afterwards, I went to use the bathroom. I had this new feeling like nothing I've ever felt. It was as if someone was standing behind me looking over me. I kept turning around thinking someone was there, but no one was there. Even standing in the bathroom stall, it felt as though someone was watching me. Upon walking back to the group, I realized what it was.
It was Jesus following me. I was now a member of his flock, and He my Shepard. He was watching me as my protector and giver of life. I now know, the difference between being lost and saved. To be saved means to be with Christ. To be lost means to be without Christ. When you are with Christ, you have no doubts. You feel His presence in your life, you know He's there, and you know He loves you. You are His. Without Christ, you are without purpose, you live for death, you feel pain and loneliness, you feel a void that many attempt to fill with the pleasures of the world like drugs and sex. Without Jesus, you carry a great burden of sin that traps you in guilt and makes you hide yourself from the world behind materialism and a false sense of beauty. This all came to me that night. As Jesus said in the bible, “I am the truth, the light, and the way.” When I found Jesus, I then knew the truth.
Being saved didn't solve all my problems or instantly make me a holy man. I still sin. I feel Christ is with me, and I'm willing to do whatever He commands of me. I have many new friends. Jesus has really opened new doors for me. The best way I can put it: before Christ, I was living to die. I was trying to make a home here on earth. Trying to build my house on the hill. Trying to find security in a career and build my empire like so many people do. A large part of art is all about that, becoming immortal by carving your soul into stone, or canvas. I'm trying to change that. I'm living to live. God has promised me everlasting life. I am saved from eternal damnation. Instead of living everyday worrying that tomorrow I will die, I'm living every day as though time has no end. Enjoy today, for today, as today will never end. I know that I will die, everyone must die and it is a debt we all owe. However, death does not have to be the end.
Another way to say it is that life is no longer about rewards. It’s not about what I can get or how good I am. It is about giving and love. It’s not about trying to earn anything or prove anything. It is about saying, “Thank You” and letting God love.
Hi BB,
Thank you. I pray that God will send you an Ananias, as he did with Saul, to show you the next step.He has Paul`s writings, something you should read and believe, Nick!
I`m upset with your dishonesty! How do you expect anyone to take you seriouly?
Its not when, its how many times. You have been dishonest not only to me but to every person reading your garbage. And most importantly to God and to His Word. Stop playing people for the fool.
Hi soxan,
You don't need to stay if your ears ache. But we would miss you and would prefer you continue to try to change our wicked ways.Quote (Nick Hassan @ Oct. 27 2005,03:27) Hi soxan,
You don't need to stay if your ears ache. But we would miss you and would prefer you continue to try to change our wicked ways.
Hi Nick,& Soxan,
You know I never shared my testimony. Well here goes!I was going through a divorce. Divorce was unheard of in my family. So after banging my head on the bars for about 5 years I decided there had to be more to life, “like what was this all about anyway.”
I was raised Catholic so the only thing I knew about God was that He spoke Latin
Anyway I started a new job and met Pete. Pete was baptist, I noticed Pete always mumbling to himself, I also noticed he was always happy, always. He aproched me and started talking about Jesus. I'll never forget he said “you tried it your way, now why not try Jesus” Hey what did I have to loose!
After about 3 months I decided to go to his church. Got in my car went to and PASSED right by the church. This happened two to three times then I finnally went in, guess what? No Pete! I looked and looked but no Pete well I was an adult I didn't need Pete. The preacher gave the alter call and I went up. The next Sunday Pete insisted I get baptized. Now remember I new nothing about God or His word.
When I came up out of the water something happened! Slow at first then as the night went on more and more joy and I mean JOY! I had never experanced anything like that, ever.
I ask Pete what was going on he said “don't worry about it” like he didn't know about the Holy Spirit (always wandered why, still do!).
I read somewhere that was impossible the Holy Spirit only comes with the laying on of hands. All I know is that I had (what I found out later) to be the fruits of the Spirit.Throw in years, a few falls, a bunch of denominations and a lot of study and fellowship with the Holy Spirit who I believe to be Jesus and here I am.
Hi kenrch,
Thank you. Great sharing. Keep praying for more of the Spirit and more gifts as your Father loves blessing his kids.Fruits of the The Holy Spirit is something we the believer and The Holy Spirit cultivate in our lives, it`s a process. For info read Galatians on the matter. What you experienced was a manifestation of The Holy Spirit.
Quote (soxan @ Oct. 27 2005,07:57) Fruits of the The Holy Spirit is something we the believer and The Holy Spirit cultivate in our lives, it`s a process. For info read Galatians on the matter. What you experienced was a manifestation of The Holy Spirit.
Thanks Soxan,This seems to be where the Holy Spirit wants me right now! I'm learning gang please be patient!
THANKS TO THE HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, LORD OF MY LIFE!
Hi,
All personal testimony is welcomed and encouraged here.God leads all His elect through different means towards salvation in Christ.Didn't you say somewhere that you had recently (about 3 or 4 days ago) posted your born again experience?
I can't find it nick.david.
I thought to share this when it happened, then talked myself out of it because it seems so coincidental and insignificant… but I am still personally impressed so have decided to share it to the glory of God.
In my desire to make nutritious school lunches for my first grader, I thought to add humus, a middle eastern food to the list of menus. I haven't had it for at least a decade and have never made it. I decided it was time to try it again. I would purchase the premade kind at a local wholesale superstore, until I could get the ingredients together to make it from scratch.
As I stood at the refrigerator section of the store reading labels and deciding which type of humus to get, I looked and there just happened to be a middle eastern man standing next to me… just the right person, I thought. If any one knows humus in this entire store, he must. So of course, I asked his opinion as to whether he'd ever tried that particular brand, if he liked it, etc… he ended up directing me to another local supermarket that carries “very good humus.” He suggested I start the child with the “original” flavor before advancing or experimenting with other types of flavors, which made sense.
My husband and I thought how remarkable it was that in all the time we've lived in the area, we hadn't noticed a non-jewish middle easterner prior to that moment in time, and how fortunate to have had him there then to assist us.
It was already late so we headed straight home, not bothering to go to the other supermarket for the humus. The following day, I decided to find a humus recipe in my favorite (vegetarian) cookbook where I knew there was a recipe. I'll study the recipe and if not too complicated, or the ingredients hard to find, cook it from scratch. I still planned on getting some pre-made humus but I suppose I wanted to know if I could make it also. I hadn't used the book for a couple of years because I no longer need it for my favorite/common recipes by virtue of practice.
My husband was sitting at our all purpose table intently working on his art illustration … my daughter was occupied elsewhere with play… I laid the book on the table and was getting a plain sheet of paper with which to write down the ingredients before heading to the grocery store… In the meantime, I was running my mouth, telling with my husband about my latest discussion of interest on HN as he sketched… the whole thing was within five minutes, and we were never out of each other's view as it was all happening in one living space. I got to the table and found the book wide opened to HUMUS.
It startled me, as it was unexpected. I knew that I hadn't done it: Not one of us could have opened the book that fast WITHOUT FIRST searching thru' the index. It would also seem reasonable if HUMUS was a recipe I use, or used before, perhaps I might have left a bookmark there, or from frequent use, the book should fall open that way. If so, I should not have been impressed.
I was sure my husband had not done it –even if he were to have the inclination to touch a cookbook (which he hasn't to my knowledge in all the years I'd known him!). Just the same, I asked him and he said he hadn't, which didn't surprise me. My daughter couldn't have, she's never heard of humus before (poor thing), and wasn't even in the same room. Of the three of us present, only I could reasonably have done it, and from my best judgment, I hadn't!
I told my husband as much (he was at the table anyway with the book). He said, “I know.” It was one of those wierd moments. We are not superstitious at all but have had some interesting experiences that are more easily appreciated and categorized.
This past Saturday morning, we couldn't help marveling, and wondering, “what's going on?” If it's a mere coincidence, it's a very strange one by virtue of the fact that HUMUS is just not a common thing at our house in anyway shape of form. And that led us to remember a similar thing that had happened one night, about 7 or 8 years ago, when our conversations on Africa led me to mention the word “SULTAN.” It was such a remote word from our experiences, vocabulary and conversations even with other people that, it took a while to recall it. We then looked it up in a dictionary. This was on a Saturday night.
On Sunday morning we went to church and lo and behold, the pastor's sermon somehow involved a Sultan! Now imagine not having heard the word used by anyone in 10 or more years, mention it today in passing, and then hear it in a sermon the next day… We looked at each other in that way that we could only understand, knowing how unusual the whole thing related to our experiences and I sort of felt a keen sense of awareness that we are not as remote and disconnected as it might seem: there are principalities and powers in the air and if so, then surely, our God is intimately acquainted with us and keeps a watch over us all.
But why Sultan or humus of all things!
Well, in all things, we give thanks to God through Christ Jesus.I know some of you must have these unexplained “coincidences” happen to you too, and hope you'll share it.
Hi cubes,
About 15 years ago I went to a town one and a half hours drive from here to speak at a public outreach meeting. We were held up and did not get away till 15mins later than we had hoped and the driver had to stop in at a friends place on the way to pick something up which held us up another 10 mins. We did not worry about it and just sang and prayed in the Spirit all the way there expecting to arrive 15mins late. We did not go over the speed limit.
Imagine our surprise when we got there 15mins early with plenty of time to get set up! We all checked our watches and could not explain how over half an hour had just disappeared. We had done the journey in less than an hour and we still cannot explain it.Amazing, Nick!
I suspect that these wonderful blessings happen to us often than we take time to notice. Or if we do, we may not appreciate them and write them off as coincidences.
Hey it's great to hear these kinds of stories.
I may have related this one before, I can't remember, but here goes anyway.I picked up my brother from the airport as he had been to Bali.
While travelling away from the airport, I was too busy talking to my brother to notice that the car in front of me stopped at the traffic lights. I tried to stop in time but plowed into the back of the car in front of me.
I had never had a car accident before (that I caused) and so was feeling rather silly about the situation. Nevertheless, I prayed that somehow God would get me out of this situation like rewind the clock or something. I then got out of the car.I had an expectation that the front of my car and the rear of his was pushed in, but when I got there there wasn't even a scratch. The other driver got out after me and looked at the cars and me and shrugged his shoulder and got back in his car.
When I got back into the car I told my brother that it seemed unreal that there was no damage and laughed about the drivers reaction, like he didn't care or was surprised at me inspecting the cars.
My brother then told me that he was wondering why I got out of the car. I told him that I hit the car rather hard while it was at a stand still and that surely he noticed it. He said that I didn't hit it at all and thought it strange that I thought I did.
Whatever happened I do not know. Answered prayer, someone hacked the Matrix, or I completely read the situation wrong. Whatever the truth, I was happy that I didn't have the hassle of having to sort out a claim with the insurance company. However I still think that when you crash into a car it is pretty obvious and you usually know about it.
Praise God.
25 or so years ago me and my wife were driving home from witnessing to my brother-in-law. We were about half way home (over 15 miles) and were discussing how they were going through some hard times and decided to go back right then and give them some money. As we turned around to go back my wife felt burdened to give them a Bible but the only one I had was my pocket Bible so we put the money in it, we returned and as my wife gave it to them my sister-in-law began to cry. Her husband had decided to take the last of their money and buy a Bible. We were amazed that God had used us and felt that it was such a blessing.
But God being who He is knew more then we did. About a month later my brother-in-law was driving home and he got into an auto accident. He had a long sharp toolbit in his shirt pocket and as his chest hit the steering wheel the toolbit was driven into his chest… or would have been, as it was, it made it through about 1/4 of that pocket Bible and he only got a bruise. God is truly amazing.
I know I just posted one but once you start glorifying God it's hard to stop. About 10 years ago while visiting my (other) brother-in-law my Jeep was stolen. The worst part was I had my laptop from work in there, and to make matters even worst I had spent more than a month writing a software program and the only backup was in the case with the computer. That was all I could think about was how could I ever reproduce that software. I knew I would never see that computer again and while waiting for the police my brother-in-law said let's pray that your computer is returned so we did right there in the driveway my brother-in-law turned it over to God and to my shame I thought to myself it'll never happen.
The police called the next day my Jeep had been found about 20 miles away with it's top missing. We get there and they had stripped the vehicle of everything, remote for garage door, a case of pop in the back, they even took the ketchup packets from McDonalds! But there in the back seat in an otherwise stripped vehicle was my laptop. Even stranger the laptop had been taken out of the case and put back in upside down. God answers prayer and it sure was not because I deserved it.
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