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Ok people this is gonna sound a little strange but here goes….A while back I made the decision to stop living for myself and become a better man for some women that I was working with who needed help. Mind you I am only 18 and all my life I have been a very insecure kid…never really fit in with any groups but always tried. anyway, I was starting to become very at peace and in love with God. He was showing me so many mysteries of the universe and the holy ghost was moving me everywhere I went. I did nothing for myself that wasn’t of God. Every day I came home from work and went straight to my room and meditated on God’s truth and what the holy ghost was bringing to my heart. But somewhere along the line I feel like God was calling me home and I needed to have that complete faith in God and take that "leap of faith"….but I didn’t know how so instead I thought I could go back to some people I used to know (people who are apostolic pentecostal christians…they are also the guys from my old karate school)…but as soon as I went back I started getting myself all tangled up in the matrix again and it’s like I turned away from the truth! like now I’m feeling all those passages in the bible about those who were once enlightened and turned from the truth and even the serpent who yakked his mouth of when he shouldn’t have! I know that the bible says you can’t go back again because it would be like recrucifying the son for yourself and putting him to open shame but I really need help here. I even got baptized in jesus’ name thinking that that was what I was missing and why I failed but once I did that it seemed like the pastor who baptized me took my soul! I know it sounds weird but I feel dead inside again…..I know I can’t turn to anyone I know for help because they either can’t or won’t but I need some combined spiritual help here or something! I need to get back to that point where I chose to look back after putting my shoulder to the plow. I mean something really profound has to happen here or else I am going to become a catatonic schizophrenic! My sins and past life were almost completely forgotten and I was about to be chosen by god for something really important…now I really don’t want to be the serpent and feel like this for eternity even though I know I deserve it!!! God have mercy on my soul and bring me back to the time of love! Please people I need your help!
Sounds like God has something for you. What you are experiencing is normal. We all go through it and we wonder why we feel dead inside after such promise.
Normally it is because we start of with an innocent living relationship with God, we are full of wonder for Him then somehow we end up religious, bored and with that dead feeling inside.
We need to repent of our dead works, works that try to please God to gain his favour, and realise that we already have his favour. We do good works because it is Gods character to do so.
Sometimes we are compelled by people to go to a particular Church organisation and we end up serving the machine. We end up inside Babylon, the system of control. At times we just need to break free and seek God again.
The Apostle Paul didn´t meet the other Apostles after his conversion, till 3 years later. He spent his first 3 years being discipled by the Lord himself. That is why Paul said ¨It is not I who say this but the Lord¨. Don´t under-estimate the season that God may have you in. Be lead by his Spirit, not compelled by man´s expectations, his rules or his institutions.
You just need to break free, because God never gives up on us. The following scriptures puts this into perspective.
Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.Find your faith again and trust his own scriptures.
It is the Devil who condemns us not God. Sure if we have tasted of the Age to come and have a mature relationship with God, and then we purposefully choose to leave God, then we become like the Angels who left their first abode and cannot return to Him. Remember that sin is to do works of darkness. But it is a bigger sin to reject light. We must have known that light to a great degree like those Angels before it is impossible for us to return. I doubt that these scriptures apply to you.
I would say that the Prodical Son scriptures apply in your case. See Luke 15:11-32.
If I were you you should go back to the practice of going straight to my room and meditating on God’s truth and what the Holy Ghost is bringing to your heart. You will find that He was always waiting for you. Seek him with all your heart and you will find him again.
G.day friend,
You have received a very warming and spiritualy wise reply to your letter.
My name is John and i’m sending this to let you know that if you are to look up this part of the site that you are thought of.I’m glad that t8 helped out straight away i just hope that this reaches you. I have had many experiences before and after becoming a christian wich has really posted the question of wether i’m saved or not! see demons aren’t the nicest of characters and that is what i’m dealing with.Evil is out there as you know and it’s in all shapes and sizes.I hope that you have found God again and i think that you can go on to your salvation just get yourself in with the right people and ask God to guide you seek his teachings and trust your developing intuition.This is the work of the Holy spirit. God Bless you and may he keep you safe.
John………It's been eight years since you requested prayers, God is still listening to you and fulfilling your request. Likely by now you have discovered that oftentimes institutional religion is about agreement, comfort, accumulation, wealth, in lieu of honesty forgiveness, genuine devotion, spiritual truth. In my humble experience as a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, the Lord of All Creation, forgiveness, prayer, constant meditation is required to lift above the sins of the world. You found that previoulsy in your daily devotion to God. Return to that place inside that knows that and follow the discipline. The real freedom, the real key to spiritual liberation is spiritual discipline. Pray/meditate every day for many hours and you will reconnect with God. Increase your time regularly to discover the joy of God's presence, as he gives back as you ask and seek his presence. Likely you are married now and may even have children. Do not allow the material conditions of the world to block your connection with God, instead use them as an impetus to get closer. If you have a mate and the person is on the same spiritual path as you it will bless your relationships. If the person is not with God, then you have a mountain to climb to minister to them and to keep your own faith. Avoid ingredients that block your devotion to God, such as nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, excess food, foods that are incompatible with your health, etc., exercise to stay healthy, give to those less fortunate, refrain from lying, honor your parents, avoid patterns that excite lust, avoid media activities that betray the Holy Spirit for profit, shower daily even more often if you pick up unclean energies from others, are a few choices you can make routinely to honor yourself, to honor God. Refrain from adultery as it will destroy the spiritual sacrement between you and your mate if you are married, and it will make it difficult if not impossible to find a spiritual partner with whom you can build a God relationship, as will promiscuous sexual activity. Remember that when you engage in sexual activity, share body fluids, you are taking on the life force of that individual. That life force is intended to remain sacred. If it is defiled through multiple sexual partners or sexual activity that does not honor the soul an opening is created for evil forces to enter the consciousness. Each time you engage in such activity the opening expands until it eventually overwhelms the consciousness. It is important to forgive yourself for all sin daily, including sexual sin. If you are truly repentant, and pray for guidance with genunie forgivness God will heal actions that destroy your relationship with him. Jesus tells us, ” if you love me, keep my commandments!” If you do, in time all past sin can be healed, and it may not be easy if you have acquired psychological or physical addicitive patterns which are so prevalent in the world at this time fueled by the media, politics, glamour, recreational activities, medicine, academia, etc. Read the bible daily, study it, use several translations to discover discrepcancies based on those seeking religious power over spiritual truth. Read between the lines, trust your instincts. Read the Dead Sea Scrolls version of the Book of Enoch, study it. Ask to be guided by Enoch, the prophets, the apostles, the saints. Open your heart, your soul to receive their guidance. Always check the spirit to be certain it is with the Holy Spirit, with Jesus Christ by asking who is Jesus Christ. If it is not with Jesus Christ then say, “get thee behind me Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ.”
A lot of interventions have been suggested. You will be in my paryers for a few days or as long as God directs. May your soul be blessed and know that God love us all, and it is the soul that does not love God back that is cursed. Love God with your heart, and your mind and your soul, and your neighbor as yourself. Be careful with the neighbor part, as sometimes it is important to discern, to love them from a distance, even those in our own families or with whom we have been very close us in previous times, especially if they are involved in challenging addictive patterns such as alcoholism, drug addiction, love of money, gluttony, etc. We all sin, and we must not use that as a justification for sin, rather as an awareness to always pray, to forgive continually.
God bless you,
Neal
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