Nick, is this how you are going to live out the remainder of your life, that is, accusing the brethren?
I am sure God made you for noble tasks, but you have free will, so he can’t force you to do his will and love and build up his people. But the first question you need to ask is do you belong to him. Either way, repentance is in order, but it is your life, so you will spend it as you will.